


While You Were Away

by mostladylikeladythateverladied



Category: Free!
Genre: Angst, Bullying, M/M, Rape Aftermath, Rape Recovery, Slut Shaming, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-01
Updated: 2015-07-10
Packaged: 2018-02-11 07:28:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 8
Words: 9,899
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2059266
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mostladylikeladythateverladied/pseuds/mostladylikeladythateverladied
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hope is so much stronger than fear.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Happening

Nitori opened the doors to the locker room, muscles screaming for relief, unable to take even walking.

He had only to change out of his swimwear and return to the dorms before he could collapse in exhaustion and rest following his grueling after-hours practice.

However, his soreness was only a reminder to him that he wasn’t strong enough. Wasn’t fast enough. Wasn’t good enough. That he had to train until he was enough for his senpai’s relay team.

He entered the locker room, expecting it to be empty as it always was after his extra practice. Only this time, he wasn’t alone.

An unknown group of boys had taken up residence in the pool locker room, smoking cigarettes and laughing.

They were big, much bigger than Nitori, and sneered at the smaller boy when he walked in.

“Well, well. I was wondering whose shit this was.” The one who had spoken kicked his bag, which had been opened and its contents spilled across the floor.

“That’s mine! You can’t just go through someone’s bag like that!” Nitori protested, refusing to be pushed around by these brutes.

“Is that so?” Another asked, moving towards him. Nitori stood his ground, shaking hands balled up at his sides.

The taller boy leaned over to get up in Nitori’s face, breathing tobacco scented breath into the smaller’s nose.

“Aren’t you swimming types usually, uh, bigger?” A third brute interjected.

“Yeah,” said the one invading Nitori’s space. “This one’s got nothing but skin and bone. No meat.” He prodded Nitori’s naked chest, and he jumped in surprise at the invasion, stepping away from his harasser.

“Ha! Doesn’t take much to scare him does it?” A fourth said.

“Stop it!” Nitori hissed, his voice now shaky and weak. “Just give me my bag and leave me alone!”

“Nah, I’m enjoying myself.” The personal space invader said.

“Me too. He’s like a scared little kitten.”

“Wanna run away, little cat?”

“Or do you wanna play with us, kitty?”

Feeling the atmosphere turn from playful to dangerous, Nitori turned and ran for the door. Screw his clothes, he’d run back to the dorm in his swimming shorts to get away from these thugs.

A hand gripped his upper arm, stopping his attempted escape. He lost his balance, and he fell backwards, the hand on his arm the only thing keeping his back from making contact with the hard, tiled floor.

His legs kicking uselessly, he was dragged back to the group by the personal space invader. He was tossed onto a bench like he weighed nothing.

Hands, he didn’t know nor care whose, gripped his ankles, keeping them down and apart, spread to either side of the bench. He leaned up, ready to scratch at the hands with his nails, but was pulled down by more hands on his wrists, slamming his back into the bench.

“Kitty tryin’ to use his claws on us, huh? Naughty kitty.”

A slap was delivered to his face. His cheek throbbing, he realized he wasn’t going to escape from the-five, six?-people holding him down, prodding him with unwelcome hands.

He opened his mouth to scream, “Rin-senpai! Rin-sen-” but he was cut off by something cloth being thrust into his mouth. His own sock, retrieved from his bag and used to silence his cries for his boyfriend.

“Rin-senpai can’t hear you, stupid kitty. Ain’t nobody can hear you now.”

Hearing this bully, this monster utter _his_ name for his beloved senpai enraged Nitori, more than he knew he was capable of, but there was no way for him to act on his anger. He was trapped.

He knew what was coming next. Someone yanked down his shorts, exposing his limp penis and the soft skin of his hips and ass.

“Is the pretty kitty not having fun? Well, I am.”

The first of them, the one that had invaded his space earlier, penetrated Nitori’s soft insides with a single swift thrust.

His bright blue eyes shut as the pain tore him in half. It was nothing like with Rin-senpai, who Nitori swore took more time preparing him than he spent inside him. Always so careful not to hurt, always so eager to please, always holding him close after.

He pushed away those thoughts. Rin-senpai had no place here, where there was only pain and horror.

One after the other, he was torn apart and violated, then again after each had their turn. Finally, when the sun began to show itself and the brutes were tired and satisfied, they left Nitori to drown in blood and spend.

He managed to redress himself, he even managed to limp back to the dorms, feeling numb to the pain in his heart, wishing he was numb to the pain in his body.

He pushed down the horror, the heartache. He’d let it all go when he found Rin-senpai, when he was safe and could cry his heart out cocooned in love and warmth. Rin-senpai was safety. Rin-senpai was love and warmth and everything good.

He knocked on his senpai’s dorm room door. He heard the shuffling of sheets, of Rin grumbling that it was way too fucking early to be awake.

The door opened to reveal Rin’s scowling face, which quickly melted into concern when he met Nitori’s sad blue eyes.

“Ai? Why-shit, Ai, you’re bleeding!”

Blood had dripped down his legs to calves exposed by his knee-length shorts. The red liquid also stained the back of his pants, but Rin hadn’t yet seen that.

Rin pulled him into the dorm and into the bathroom, ignoring Sousuke’s lazy, half-asleep inquiries.

At last, when the bathroom door shut, Nitori cried. Silent tears dripped down his face, which Rin took no notice of as he was busy undoing his boyfriend’s pants, desperate to see what was causing Nitori to lose so much blood.

They were pulled away along with his underwear to reveal a horror show.

Copious amounts of blood dripped from his anus to stain his thighs and now sought to cover his calves as well. His skin was red and angry, sure to turn purple in a few hours. Black marker had been used to write obscenities on his beaten skin.

Whore.

Slut.

Weak.

Pretty kitty.

“Sousuke! Call an ambulance!”


	2. Aftermath

Rin had never been so grateful for his friends.

Because they had flocked to his side after a single panicked phone call to Haru, begging his help.

Rin was so far out of his depth. But Haru and the others – they’d pulled him out of his own darkness, maybe they could do the same for Nitori. As badly as he wanted to help his boyfriend, he was entirely ill prepared to do so.

He knew nothing of comfort, of being supportive. Of healing. He wasn’t the man Nitori needed right now, maybe not the man he’d ever need.

He desperately wanted to be the man to heal Nitori wounds, physical and emotional alike, but he simply didn’t believe he could.

* * *

 

Haruka’s heart was breaking.

He had so few friends, and was so _bad_ at making new ones. Nitori had so easily opened his arms to Haru, become his first new friend since Rei.

Nitori had appeared by Rin’s side at more and more friendly gatherings after Rin and his relationship blossomed. He was welcomed into their fold and Nitori welcomed them right back.

Haru had gained one more person he could open up to, one more person that wasn’t troublesome to talk to.

And he was so grateful for every one of them. Losing them was the worst fate Haru could imagine.

When he’d been at the lowest point of his life, when he’d truly believed Rin would never forgive him, would never swim with him again, his heart had felt like this.

* * *

 

His passion was beautiful.

Rei had thought Haruka to be a beautiful swimmer, and indeed he was, but Nitori was beautiful in an entirely different way.

Haruka swam like he was a part of the water. He was so natural and graceful that it was difficult for Rei to tear his eyes away.

Every inch of Nitori was filled with drive and passion when he swam. He swam to better himself and for his beloved teammates. But most of all to make Rin proud of him.

He didn’t dive in and embrace it as Haruka did. He fought it with every fiber of his being. He subjugated it.

And there was so much beauty to be found in submission.

* * *

 

Ai was meant to be his partner in crime.

Nagisa had wanted to pass on all his knowledge of messing with his friends onto his newest companion. He wanted to spill all of Rin’s embarrassments to him and see him shine with amusement.

He wanted to giggle with him behind concealing hands while Rin looked on, glaring, wondering what they were talking about.

Would Ai want to laugh with him now? Would he find joy in anything again? Or would he be only afraid and so, so sad?

Nagisa would make sure Ai laughed and smiled again. He would _make sure_.

* * *

 

Makoto had always played the role of caretaker.

He’d bandaged every one of his siblings’ scrapes and cuts then kissed them better and gave them cootie shots. He’d dragged Haru out of the isolation of his house more time than he could count. He shouted and cheered as loud as he could for his friend as they swam. He took care of every one of his friends to the best of his abilities.

But this was beyond him.

His hands shook, struggled to grip the phone, as Haru told him what had happened to Nitori, what Rin had told him moments before.

Haru hadn’t said as much, but Makoto knew, because he knew Haru better than he knew himself. He _needed_ Makoto. Haru had called him because he had to go to Rin and couldn’t go alone.

Neither of them had faced a friend in such dire need, a friend so hurt and lost. Nitori was beyond Makoto’s abilities to help. But he could help Haru, he could hold his heart together as it shattered again.

He’d keep being the caretaker. He needed to play his role now more than ever. So he gripped his phone tight and dialed.

* * *

 

Sousuke had seen the damage done to his kouhai. He and Rin were the only ones to have seen the full extent of what had been done to him.

He’d whipped out his phone as he leapt off the top bunk and made for the bathroom at Rin’s shouting, knowing the panic in his tone meant something was horribly wrong. He’d helped carry Nitori outside when the sounds of the ambulance reached them.

Sousuke knew how necessary Nitori was to Rin. The little grey haired boy that believed so fervently in his senpai.

Rin had come so far because he wanted Nitori to be proud of him, proud to call Rin his friend and lover. He wanted to become the man Nitori believed he was.

Part of Rin swam towards his goals for the future, the other part swam towards Nitori.

Sousuke hoped that the damage to Nitori wouldn’t damage Rin too greatly.

* * *

 

He should have gone looking for him.

Momotarou knew Nitori spent his nights at the pool, training for the relay. He knew he always came back after an extra hour or two.

Nitori hadn’t come back that night at his usual time. Momo had shrugged it off, figuring his senpai would spend the night with Rin.

He should have thought about that. When Nitori stayed with Rin, Sousuke would come over to Momo and Nitori’s room to give the lovebirds their privacy. Sousuke hadn’t knocked on his door that night.

He’d fallen asleep while his senpai was being violated and beaten in the swim team locker room. He’d dreamed happy dreams while Nitori stumbled, in the dark and the cold, back to the dorms. He’d slept through two of Sousuke’s calls to his cell phone from the hospital.

Momotarou wasn’t sure he’d ever sleep again.

* * *

 

It stung, that her brother had called Haruka and not her.

Gou had heard the news from Makoto. She’d had to hear second hand that the boy she so adored and took such good care of her brother had been violently raped and beaten.

Nitori had been so good to her brother when he’d been so damaged. He’d stayed by Rin’s side through everything, and now loved him with everything he had. Gou was so grateful to Nitori, for filling that final gap in Rin’s heart that his friends and sister couldn’t reach.

She wasn’t angry. She understood why he had called Haruka. It had been Haruka that healed his jagged, bleeding soul. Rin was hoping that Haru would heal Nitori’s wounds as well.

Rin was wrong. Gou understood him, but knew he was wrong. Nitori didn’t need Haruka or Makoto or Nagisa. Nitori needed Rin.

For all the love the group gathered in that hospital waiting room had for Nitori, none loved him more than Rin, and none did Nitori need more right now.

The rest would do what they could in their own way. Gou had decided. She’d kick her brother’s ass until he got his head screwed on straight, then she’d shove him in the right direction.

Toward Aiichirou Nitori.


	3. Slow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Recovery goes slowly and Rin is a dork

The doctor that emerged from Nitori’s hospital room was frowning deeply at the large group gathered in the waiting room. They sprang from their seats on chairs and the floor to face the man in the long white coat.

Rin shoved his way to the front of the group, and was stopped from grabbing at the man’s lapel by a calming hand from Makoto.

The doctor cleared his throat and asked, rather pointlessly, “Who’s here for Aiichirou Nitori?”

“All of us.” Makoto answered for the group, gesturing to the teenaged boys and girl.

“Right.” The doctor cast a glance across the group, looking disapproving. “He’ll be fine, physically. He had severe rectal tearing and bruising of the upper legs. He had some skin from his legs removed by what we believe were fingernails. None of the damage was severe, so we took pictures of the…writing and the wounds for the police, who will be arriving soon to take his statement. We also performed a rape kit for the police. He had skin under his finger nails which likely belong to his assailants, which we also collected.

“Any of you who can provide information to the officers should stay, but I have to ask some of you to leave. Such a large group is disrupting the hospital, and only one of you can see him at a time anyway. He is awake and refused pain medication, so you can visit him until the officers arrive, then you’ll have to leave.”

The doctor finished his report and gave the group a searching look. Makoto smiled down at Rin, then nodded to the doctor.

“Alright everyone, let’s leave Rin with Nitori. We can see him when he’s better, alright?”

Nagisa looked disappointed, but didn’t argue. Rei held tight to the shorter boy’s hand and Nagisa gave him a grateful look. Haru only nodded and turned to walk away. The group disbanded and followed after Haru, leaving Rin, Sousuke, and Momotarou behind.

“Go on then.” Sousuke prompted the redhead. “We just need to give statements; you need to see Nitori, yeah?”

Momotarou smiled at his captain, his lips shaky and the expression didn’t reach his eyes. Guilt still ate away at his core, making his usually cheerful smile insincere.

Rin nodded at the pair, then walked towards the door that Nitori was behind, dreading what he would find.

The doctor opened the door for him, shutting it once Rin entered the sterile, white room, giving them privacy.

He looked nearly as pale as the sheets around him.

Nitori smiled at him with bright blue eyes as he entered the room. His smile twitched onto his face, shaky and weak, but present.

Rin returned the look, relieved that Nitori was smiling despite everything.

“Hey.” He greeted hesitantly.

“Hi, Rin-senpai.” Nitori returned promptly.

He moved forward, taking a seat at his boyfriend’s bedside. He reached out a hand to touch him, to pet his hair and hold his hand, but stopped himself, unsure if he could.

Nitori touched him as he hesitated, pulling the hand that had reached for the injured boy, clutching it close.

“It’s okay, senpai. It’s okay if it’s you.”

Rin smiled at the pale, thin boy and held the fingers in his hand tight. He felt a sudden pang of doubt.

Rin had been so poor at dealing with strife. He lashed out at his friends and pushed away anyone that tried to help him. And here Nitori was, reaching out for him, pulling Rin close even as his insecurities reared their ugly heads.

He found himself wondering why this incredible and strong young man had chosen him. What did Nitori see in Rin that he admired so much?

“I’m glad you’re here.” Nitori started.

Rin jumped to his feet, startling Nitori but managing to keep their hands locked.

“I won’t abandon you!” He declared firmly.

“I…didn’t think…” Nitori blinked up at him in confusion.

“I’m gonna stay with you, okay? I love you and we’re going to face this together!”

“Senpai…”

“You’re not gonna fight alone, okay? You’ve always been with me when I needed help so I’m going to be here for you. No matter what!”

“Senpai!”

Nitori managed to shut Rin up with his final call. It wasn’t loud, he couldn’t raise his voice very much, but Rin heard him.

“I know that, senpai. I never doubted it. I came to you, remember? I knew you’d help me.”

Rin sat back down, squeezing Nitori’s hand as he descended.

“I’m sorry, Ai. I don’t know what I’m doing.” Rin confessed.

“Senpai, you’re here with me. You’re doing everything right.”

* * *

 

Nitori had to stay for a long term hospital visit while his legs and rectum healed. The doctors contacted his family about payment and possibly coming to see him. They agreed to pay for the visit, but did not elect to come see him during his stay, claiming to be too busy. Nitori knew better, but didn’t allow his family’s negligence to get him down. He’d been a disappointment in their eyes for a long time.

The others visited him sporadically. The first to show up was Sousuke, to Nitori's surprise. He'd always gotten the impression that his senior disliked him for holding Rin back, but it appeared that wasn't the case. They chatted about swimming, about school, Sousuke wanting to keep his mind off the terrible image he’d seen that night. Of Nitori bloody and defiled and shamed.

Momotarou often hovered outside the room during Sousuke’s visits, never managing to gather the courage to face his senpai.

Once Nitori had recovered enough for more visitors, Rei and Nagisa always appeared as a pair, as did Haru and Makoto.

Nagisa always brought a sunny smile and cheerful disposition, entertaining Nitori with embarrassing stories of Rei while his beleaguered boyfriend spluttered and unsuccessfully attempted to shush him. Rei brought him food the first time he visited, but Nitori sadly informed him he was on a strict liquid diet.

Haru kept quiet while Makoto chatted with him during their visits. Once in a while Nitori would be blessed with a small smile and a few words of assurance from the reserved boy, but most of the talking was left to Makoto.

Gou would appear at her brother’s side for a few moments during his visits, but would soon leave after gifting Nitori with amenities no one else though to bring, like his hairbrush and preferred toothpaste.

Rin visited more than anyone, appearing every day and staying for as long as he could until the nurses kicked him out. He brought books and games from his and Nitori’s rooms to keep him occupied when he was and wasn’t there. He’d part with Nitori after kissing him gently and promising to return, which he always kept.

He was released after two weeks. The police had taken their statements and the evidence the hospital collected and promised to contact them if anything came up. Their case was promising and hopes were high that they could find the people that did this.

Nitori returned to school. His classmates remained ignorant to his ordeal, his teachers only knowing he had to stay in the hospital for an extended time, never being told the details. Life resumed.

But it didn't resume without trouble.

Nitori wouldn't, couldn't enter that locker room. He just couldn't.

Just looking at the door brought him back to that terrible night. He’d stopped his late night swims, feeling unsafe if he was apart from Rin for even a moment after practice.

They both knew the boys who had attacked Nitori likely went to this school and could appear before him again at any moment. The thought terrified them both. Rin swore he would stay by his side until the police made an arrest and Nitori was safe again.

The both of them had taken to changing in their rooms, throwing on baggy shirts over their swimsuits for the walk to the indoor pool from the dorms and back again. Sousuke joined them after he figured out what they were doing when they left practice without changing, and Nitori felt safe and assured with the large, muscled teen by his side.

Momotarou had taken to changing quickly instead of hanging behind and chatting with the team as he normally did and joining the two on their dash for the dorms. He wanted to take responsibility for his failure and be a friend Nitori could be proud of again.

Nitori knew he was inconveniencing his senpai and kouhai, but he couldn't bring himself to stop them. Rin comforted him with his simple presence, and Nitori worried he’d panic during swim practice without him. Momotarou maintained his cheerful demeanor, determined to keep Nitori’s spirits high. Sousuke's intimidating presence made him feel protected.

Besides, they insisted. Rin was doing his very best to support and help Nitori recover. If the worst of it was freezing his ass off while running back to the dorms in wet swim bottoms, he’d suffer through it for Nitori.

But that wasn’t the worst of it.

The police arrested the seven young men that had assaulted Nitori within two weeks. The physical evidence retrieved from the hospital incriminated three of them, due to past criminal charges and their DNA being on record, who immediately proceeded to rat out their friends for less jail time.

What would follow was the criminal trial for the four young men that hadn’t confessed, that had plead innocent to their friends’ accusations.

So Nitori would have to appear and identify the monsters that had hurt him so severely.


	4. Burn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hate is a strong word

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally, an update! Unfortunately, real life has ensued and I'm back in college. So slower updates. But we will get to the end, friends!

Two of Nitori’s attackers were out on bail. The other five had been left to rot in a holding cell until the trial, but two of them had parents that bought their sob story of being wrongly accused.

Nitori had received a temporary restraining order, and they were forbidden from being on school grounds and couldn’t be within one hundred yards of Nitori until the trial, but Rin still worried.

All Rin wanted to do was wrap Nitori up in soft blankets and hold him and kiss him until it was all over. Nitori refused to hide away and continued attending classes and swim practice as if nothing was wrong, besides his refusal to enter the locker room.

Things were looking up. Nitori had believed himself to be healing. He believed he could move past this event with little struggle.

Then the media caught wind of the story.

His attackers’ faces were plastered all over the television and internet, telling the story in a thousand different ways.

They pitied the rapists for the stain this would leave on their lives. They blamed Nitori for being gay, for being alone at night, for provoking them. Some talked about the poor high school boy that had been so brutally attacked, but most talked about the distraught parents and ruined futures of his assailants.

Nitori had thought he’d been doing well. That quickly changed.

As the world turned against him, he stopped going to class. He couldn’t take the pitying glances or, even worse, the snickering and sneering. He stopped going to swim practice when the fear that his bared skin would provoke another attack set in.

His teachers understood and allowed him to complete his schoolwork from the safety of his dorm room. Sousuke had unofficially moved in with Momotarou to let Rin take care of his boyfriend. Rin, for his part, doted on Nitori with every spare moment he had.

Rin couldn’t stop attending classes, and he had his responsibilities as the swim team captain, but Nitori still spent very little time alone. Both Sousuke and Momotarou spent their free periods when Rin had class by Nitori’s side.

Makoto and Haru always visited together and appeared every weekend without fail, always bringing video games to entertain him with.

Rei and Nagisa moved their study sessions from Rei’s home to Rin’s dorm room and helped Nitori keep up with his studies while Rin directed the swim team in the evening. 

They always smiled a little too much, a little too widely at him.

He only spent a few hours a day alone before the sun set and he fell asleep curled up in Rin’s arms. He spent that time crying.

He knew he was being a burden on his friends and boyfriend, and didn’t want to make that burden heavier with how truly miserable and chillingly terrified he was. So he cried away from the searching and worried eyes, alone.

* * *

 

_“Ai?”_

_“Yeah?”_

_“I love you.”_

_“I love you too, senpai. More than I can say.”_

_“I’ll stay with you forever. Until you don’t want me anymore.”_

_“I’ll always want you senpai. Always.”_

* * *

 

Rin’s last class of the day had been canceled due to his teacher being sick, allowing him to return to his room ahead of schedule. There was no swim practice on this particular evening, leaving his remaining waking hours free for snuggling and comforting his love.

He unlocked the door to his room and was faced with a sobbing Nitori, curled up on the bottom bunk.

The younger looked up, startled, not expecting to see his senpai arrive so early. Normally, he’d have his face dry by the time Rin made his appearance for the evening. This time, he had been caught in the midst of the worst of his crying fit.

Rin’s bag thumped to the ground. The door was kicked shut with a careless foot thrust out hurriedly behind him as he ran to wrap Nitori in his arms. He’d known that Nitori was putting on a brave face for him, but being faced with his tears cut him open and bled him more thoroughly than any knife wound.

Rin held Nitori through his shuddering sobs as he collapsed his walls and, at last, let his boyfriend see the depths of his sorrow. He couldn’t take the weight on his shoulders anymore, and could only hope that the burden wouldn’t be too much for Rin to carry. That he wouldn’t be abandoned.

He quieted down after a painful number of minutes, and turned his gaze from its press into Rin’s chest to his boyfriend’s face.

He said, with conviction, “I’m not dirty.”

Rin’s eyes widened in surprise, not expecting to hear such a declaration from Nitori. He’d expected confusion, questions, destroyed self-esteem, but not this.

“Say it.” Nitori demanded. “It matters that you say it.”

Oh, Rin thought, he needs _me_ to believe it so he can believe it too.

Rin gripped the younger man’s face in his hands, staring straight into ocean blue eyes. A thumb stroked the little beauty mark that Rin found so adorable.

“You are not dirty.” He said, with all the truth inside himself he could muster. “You’re brilliant and strong and beautiful and you’re going to get through this.”

Nitori looked back at him with dry eyes filled with hope. He believed in his senpai, as he always had, believed that his words were the truth.

He leaned up and pressed his lips against Rin’s, wanting to suck the words from his lover’s mouth and let them fill him. He wanted to feel Rin all around him and inside him until he was clean of foreign, hateful touches.

He wanted Rin’s hands on him, not seven pairs of strangers’ fingers on his skin.

He let his hands pull at Rin’s shirt, lifting it up and exposing his muscled abdomen. Rin grabbed Nitori’s hands, stopping him.

“Nitori-”

“Don’t patronize me.”

Rin was shocked at the begging in Nitori’s voice. The conviction expected from such a statement was present, as an undertone, sadly overwhelmed by desperation.

“Don’t think you know better than me. I know what I need. I need _this_. I need _you_ , senpai.”

Rin nodded, deciding to trust Nitori as Nitori trusted Rin, and connected their lips together again, this time letting Nitori strip him of his shirt.

Next were his pants, unbuttoned and pulled away with practiced efficiency. They were soon laid bare before each other, exposing their skin and their souls.

“Do you want to…?” Rin began, but a shake of Nitori’s head cut him off.

“I need you inside me, senpai. I need you to fill me up and get them out.”

Rin nodded, leaning down to kiss the soft lips and warm body lying beneath him.

They made love slowly, Rin filling Nitori up and erasing the stain left on him by those beasts. He reminded his bent but not broken lover of the pleasures and intimacy of sex and wiped away the bad memories.

* * *

 

_“Are you sure you’re ready, Nitori? I don’t want you to rush into this just because I brought it up…”_

_“Senpai, I know I’m ready. Trust me, okay?”_

_“I do! I just…I don’t want to hurt you. I’ve screwed up so much and you’re the one damn thing I haven’t made a mess of.”_

_“I wouldn’t mind you making a mess of me, senpai.”_

_“Ai! I’m being serious!”_

_“You’re being silly. I love you, senpai. I’ve always trusted you to not hurt me, haven’t I? So trust me when I say you won’t hurt me by...by making love with me.”_

_“Okay. Okay. I love you too, Ai.”_

_“I know.”_

* * *

 

Rin cried into Nitori’s embrace once they were spent and satisfied. His tear and mucus stained face was buried in Nitori’s chest as he loudly sobbed. Nitori cried with him, his face buried in red locks, still managing to produce tears even as his eyes itched and throbbed.

“I’m scared, senpai. I’m so scared,” Nitori sobbed out. “and I’m tired of being scared, but I can’t stop. I can’t make it stop!”

“I’ll make it stop, Ai. I promise you, I’ll make you feel safe again.” Rin pecked the little beauty mark on Ai’s right shoulder, a secret mark for his eyes only.

“It’s not that. I’m scared that I’m starting to believe it, what they say about me on the news. That it’s my fault and I ruined their lives.”

“That’s bullshit, Ai!” Nitori flinched at the sudden yelling, and Rin quieted down, feeling guilty. “That’s not true. It isn’t your fault.”

“Part of me knows that.” Rin and Nitori locked reddened and wet eyes. “But there’s a big, scary part that makes me hate myself. And it gets bigger every day. I don’t want to hate myself, senpai.”

* * *

 

_"You’re amazing Ai, you know that?”_

_“No I’m not, senpai! You’re the one that’s amazing. You’re so good at swimming and you’re a great friend and the best boyfriend I could ask for!”_

_“That’s what I mean though. I’ve been a piss poor friend to you, and you still think I’m worth dating.”_

_“Of course you’re worth dating! I’ve always really liked you, senpai.”_

_“Yeah, you liked me when I fucking hated myself. I think that’s amazing. Thanks, Ai.”_


	5. Trial

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A trial by fire

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter did not want to be written. I struggled a lot with the court proceedings while knowing very little about Japanese courts. Sorry if this chapter isn't up to par.

The day of trial finally arrived after what seemed like an eternity of anguish and worry.

Nitori’s parents had been gracious enough to pay for an attorney, but still did not appear for the trial itself. Nitori had been given the option to appear virtually through a video recording of his testimony, but he had refused, insisting that he needed to look his attackers in the eye when he condemns them.

He needed to prove to himself that he was stronger. That he had no reason to hate himself as much as he had grown to.

Rin had not technically received permission to skip class to attend the trial, but his instructors understood, and allowed him to complete his schoolwork early so that he could be absent.

Nitori gripped his boyfriend’s hand tightly as the courthouse loomed before them. Rin turned to his boyfriend, squeezing his hand back and pulling him forward a bit.

“It’s time to do this, Ai. I’m with you.”

Nitori afforded him a weak and trembling smile, the fear clear in his eyes. They moved forward into the courthouse, hands still clasped tight.

They were forced to separate after clearing security, Rin having to sit in the audience and Nitori being moved in front of the three judges presiding over the trial.

The seven boys that had assaulted him sat on the opposite side of the court before the judges, looking infuriatingly smug, chatting casually with one another without a care in the world. Rin had to clench his fists to keep from flinging himself over the divider between the audience and the court to punch their lights out.

The President banged his gavel, and the trial commenced.

When it came time for Nitori’s testimony, he was called to the bench by his lawyer. He had been instructed on how to handle the defense attorney’s grilling, and had gone over what he would say with his own lawyer, but he still felt puny and unprepared for the real event.

He was asked to recall the event in startling detail, revealing the brutality with which he was attacked. When prompted he placed the guilt on the seven young men sitting at the defense’s table.

The semen recovered from inside him and the skin found under his nails was entered into evidence, and the lay judges were shown pictures of Nitori in the hospital, when he was battered and broken. Rin turned away from the sight, the gruesome memory already engrained into his mind. He didn’t want the reminder.

Then the prosecutor closed their questioning, and the defense attorney approached the bench.

“What is your sexuality?”

The blunt question startled Nitori into stuttering.

“I-I’m gay, ma’am.”

The attorney nodded, “And you are currently in a relationship with one Rin Matsuoka, correct?”

“Objection!” Nitori’s attorney cried out. “Leading the witness.”

“Sustained.” The President declared. “Rephrase the question.”

“Apologies. Who are you currently in a relationship with?”

“Rin-senpai, uh, Rin Matsuoka.”

“Objection!” The prosecutor once again cried out. “What relevance does this have?”

“I intend to present evidence that will discredit the doctor’s results concerning the rape kit. This line of questioning is necessary.”

Rin jerked in surprise. What did he have to do with the doctor? He saw Nitori jump, and wanted to run to him and hold him tight, but only clenched his fists tighter.

“Very well. I’ll allow it.”

The defense attorney thanked the judge and continued her questions.

“Are you aware that the doctor that performed your rape kit was previously employed by the Matsuoka family?”

Nitori’s eyes opened wide in shock, as did Rin’s. What was the attorney talking about? He hadn’t recognized the doctor treating Nitori, and he had seen him many times visiting his boyfriend in the hospital.

“No, I-I didn’t know that.”

“I would like to present to the jury the employment record of said doctor. It states that he cared for Rin Matsuoka when he was a child, and was the personal physician to the Matsuoka family before his employment at the hospital.”

How could this have gone unnoticed? How could such a coincidence have occurred?

As a result, they threw out the best evidence they had. The physical traces of semen and skin left on and in Nitori’s body was disregarded due to compromised interests and the risk of altered results. Because he was dating Rin. How was Nitori ever going to forgive him for this?

Next came the testimonies of the defendants. The prosecutor did her best to grill them on their guilt and make them stumble over their testimonies, with little success. Their story had been rehearsed far too well.

They claimed that Nitori came on to them, had offered himself up to them. They said they rejected them because they weren’t interested in the same sex. That they were good boys with good grades that came from good families.

Then came the next bombshell.

Their attorney approached the bench, where the last of the boys sat patiently, hands folded, calm as can be.

“Is it true that you attempted to join the swim team, which Rin Matsuoka is the captain of?”

“Yes it is, ma’am.”

“And you were rejected?”

“Yes, ma’am.”

Rin didn’t recognize any of them, even though he apparently saw them during try outs. Doubt filled his gut.

“Why is that?”

“He claimed that our times were not fast enough, and that we had no place on the swim team, even though we were faster than Nitori and many other members.”

What a blatant lie! Rin hadn’t barred anyone from joining the swim team if they truly wanted to. The most he’d done is keep slower members from entering competitions. He wanted to scream at the judges and jury that he was lying, but knew he wouldn’t help Nitori’s case by interrupting the court proceedings.

Rin saw Nitori was shaking in his seat. He saw where this proceeding was headed, as did Rin.

“One final question. Why do you believe the prosecution has accused you and your friends of this crime?”

“I can’t be sure. Maybe Nitori knew we deserved a place on the swim team and he didn’t, so he wants to discredit us. Maybe Matsuoka beat him and made Nitori accuse us to cover it up.”

How _dare_ that evil slug accuse Rin of harming the person he loved and cared for? Rin saw Nitori perk up, his shoulders tense, no longer shaking in fear, but _rage_.

“That statement is only postulating and will be struck from the record. Please disregard the previous testimony.”

But the damage had been done. The judges heard the alternate versions of what had happened and wouldn’t just forget it.

* * *

 

The result of the trial came as no surprise after that. The seven attackers were found not guilty and Nitori was told he was lucky he wasn’t charged with fraud.

The rapists walked free. A small consolation was that they wouldn’t dare risk pushing for a civil case of fraud or slander against Nitori, for fear of the real events coming to light. But that was hardly comforting.

Rin held Nitori all night long as he screamed and sobbed his sorrow and terror into Rin’s chest. He had been counting on the trial to absolve him of his self-hatred, of his fear and his nightmares. It only made all of it worse and mounted more troubles on him.

He had lost the protection of the restraining order. His teachers and classmates no longer looked at him with pity, which he had so hated, but would have preferred to the judgmental scorn that his attackers had fostered with their story of the trial and the false accusations laid against them.

At the same time, Rin was dealing with his own guilt. The doctor had lost his credibility due to Nitori’s relationship with him, and now the school thought he abused his lover. As if he could ever harm a hair on Nitori’s head. Even when he had been at his worst, he’d never hurt the boy.

Nitori was falling apart, and Rin had no idea how he’d put him back together.


	6. Escape

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Running is never an option. Until it's the only option.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I was reading Stephen King and got inspired and my hand slipped.

Rin used a straight razor to shave. Nitori knew this because they’d shared bathroom space when preparing for class in the morning when they had been roommates. He kept it on the middle shelf of his medicine cabinet. He used it to shave his face, underarms, and legs in order to reduce water resistance when he swam. He said it provided a closer shave than another, easier to use kind of razor.

Now that razor was in Nitori’s hand while Rin was pounding his fists against the locked bathroom door, screaming for Nitori to open it.

Momotarou and Sousuke were out there too, begging and demanding for him to open the door whenever Rin ran out of breath. They were threatening to break down the door.

Nitori blocked his lover and his friends out, needing to think.

The school and the world had turned against him. The lies that his attackers had plied in court had been accepted as truth. The press tore him apart. His classmates scorned him with their stares the few times he had dared exit Rin’s dorm room.

Rin didn’t have it any better. They believed he had conspired with him to place blame on seven innocent boys. He was hated just as thoroughly as Nitori now.

Nitori couldn’t stand it anymore. He couldn’t take Rin being despised for his mistakes. He knew now that everything had been his fault. And he hated himself for it.

He didn’t know if his dying would relieve the pressure on Rin, though. Would he receive even worse treatment if Nitori took his life? Would they blame Rin for that too?

He must have been sitting curled up on the bathroom floor for longer than he realized, because there were more voices joining the three. The Iwatobi swim team. Nagisa, to Nitori’s surprise, demanded they shut up and let him talk.

“Ai-chan?”

“What?”

Nitori wasn’t sure what made him reply to Nagisa when he had ignored his friends and boyfriend completely. Maybe it was because he wasn’t shouting. No, he was calm and gentle, and it lulled Nitori into comfort.

“Are you okay?”

“Do I need to answer that?” Nitori answered in a bratty tone, for which he immediately scolded himself. Nagisa didn’t deserve the brunt of his bad mood.

“No, I guess not. But I know what will cheer you up!”

“What’s that?”

“Why don’t you come out here, and I’ll show you?”

It sounded compelling. Nagisa was his usual cheerful self, enticing him with his joyous and optimistic outlook. He wanted to know what made Nagisa so sure that he could be happy again.

“I…I need to think.”

“You can think out here. It must be lonely in there all by yourself, and that’s no fun. Come out, and we can think together.”

“You can’t help me.”

“I know I can, Ai-chan.” Nagisa’s tone was tempered with a tinge of sadness. “I know it can be tough being happy sometimes, but hiding and being alone won’t make it better. Come out here, and I promise I can cheer you right up!”

He lifted himself to his feet, placed the straight razor on the bathroom counter, and he heard an audible sigh of relief, probably from Rin, as he opened the door.

He was immediately engulfed in warmth as Nagisa threw himself into an embrace, and Nitori instinctively returned the hug.

Tears poured down his cheeks as he locked eyes with Rin over Nagisa’s shoulder. He gripped the back of Nagisa’s shirt tight as he sobbed.

“It’ll be okay, Ai-chan. It’ll be okay.” Nagisa said as he held Nitori tight.

Once his tears had dried and Nagisa released him, he sheepishly apologized to Rin, to which Rin responded with an embrace of his own and a hard, deep kiss on Nitori’s willing lips.

Now, they sat on the floor on Rin’s dorm room, with Momotarou on one side, snuggling up to him, and Rin on the other, holding his hand.

He felt safe, warm, and loved. A feeling he hadn’t truly experienced since that night in the locker room.

Haruka’s presence surprised Nitori, and he assumed Makoto or Nagisa had dragged him here. But apparently he’d arrived on his own, before anyone else once Rin, Momotarou, and Sousuke had frantically called them all.

Nitori thanked him, and he’d replied with a shrug and a muttered, “I’ve been there before.”

There was a story there, but now wasn’t the time to hear it.

Makoto had arrived second and had quickly joined the yelling and pounding on the bathroom door, ready to throw himself at it with Sousuke’s help when Nagisa and Rei arrived together, and Nagisa quickly calmed the situation.

Nitori fidgeted uncomfortably under the multiple scrutinizing gazes on him. He’d apologized to and thanked the group for what felt like a thousand times, and it still didn’t feel like enough.

“What are we going to do?” Sousuke penetrated the awkward silence with his blunt question.

“What _can_ we do?” Momotarou replied.

“Ai can’t stay in this school.” Rin declared, “He needs to go somewhere safe. This is my last year and it’s almost over. I won’t be able to protect him.”

Nitori wanted to protest that he didn’t need protection, but the truth was that he did need and want it. He wouldn’t feel safe with his attackers free and his lover absent.

“He could transfer to Iwatobi!” Nagisa exclaimed.

“There’s only a few weeks left in the term, he can’t transfer now.” Makoto calmly explained. “That could work for the next term, but not in the meantime.”

Nagisa harrumphed and crossed his arms, face screwing up as he thought hard.

“Actually, I was thinking…” Rin started. “After this term, would you come to Australia with me?”

Nitori stared at his boyfriend in shock.

“I was accepted to a university there. You could come with me and finish high school there, then do whatever after that. I could translate for you until you get better at English and your grades would get you into any high school, I’m sure…” Rin blushed and trailed off.

“I…you really want me to come with you?” Nitori looked up at his boyfriend in wonder. The others had gone silent as the lovers stared at one another.

Nitori had thought that Rin would pursue his Olympic dreams on his own and leave Nitori behind. He thought he’d only be a burden on Rin’s future. Now, here his lover was inviting him to be a part of that future.

“I-I’d love to! I’d really love to!” A smile stretched across Nitori’s face that made the circle of friends grin in delight. It had been a long time since he’d had a look like that on his face, one so full of joy.

“Okay, that solves that. But what about until this term ends?” Sousuke interjected.

The group lost their smiles and went silent.

Rin had a thought. An insane, dangerous thought, but it would be an effective solution to their problem.

He decided not to voice it. If his thought came to fruition he didn’t want his friends involved, least of all Makoto, who would never approve.

Sousuke would support him, as he did in all things, and Nagisa’s devious mind would be a valuable asset.

He hated that he was even contemplating this, but with a little help it could really work.

He’d keep silent for now, but he’d approach Nagisa and Sousuke with his completely insane idea once their little group session ended.

Then the three of them would plot murder.


	7. Pigs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Squeal

He was feeling as if the world was his oyster. He had escaped the clutches of the legal system with a series of eccentric lies and prejudice against his opponent.

He’d had a taste of the ass that had so entranced the great Rin Matsuoka and found the captain’s preferences in men to be rather lackluster.

He swaggered his way across the Samezuka campus, noticing the looks of sympathy he received, and preened. Another piece of evidence for the perfection of his and his friend’s deception.

His strut was interrupted by a strike to his shoulder, a fellow classmate he didn't recognize had bumped into him. He looked down at the smaller teen, ready to growl, when he noticed the boy’s bright blonde hair. A rare sight to be admired.

The boy looked up at him with wide, innocent eyes, and he could see evidence of tears not yet spilling in their pink depths.

The blonde was cute, in the same way the boy toy he’d fucked was cute. Maybe he’d point this kid out to his comrades.

“I’m so sorry!” The boy squeaked, voice trembling in fear.

“Hey, that’s okay, it was an accident.” He took a long look at the boy and determined him to be worthy of attention. “What’s your name?” he asked with a charming grin.

The blonde blushed and giggled adorably. “Nagisa. I’m attending Samezuka next semester.”

Ah, so he wasn't in high school yet. The boy was so short and baby-faced it was easy to believe. Being fresh meat made the boy even cuter.

“Well, why don’t I give you a tour? I know this school like the back of my hand.” He leered when the boy’s face lit up and blonde hair bobbed as he nodded.

“Let me just let my friends know I’ll be late meeting them, and I’ll show you around.”

He flipped open his phone as Nagisa beamed, his fingers tapping quickly.

_found a cute one, real stupid easy lay will take him to locker room_

* * *

 

It took every ounce of will in Nagisa’s being not to squirm in the other boy’s grasp. He’d wrapped an arm around Nagisa’s waist, and his hands were wandering. He was unsure if the teen was aware of his hands traveling downwards or if groping and grasping were instinctual to him. All things considered, he suspected the latter.

It was a good thing Nagisa was an exceptional actor, if he did say so himself.

He should have been more nervous, willingly walking into an isolated locker room with the boy he knew to have raped and beaten his friend. But anger was keeping his mind surprisingly focused. He couldn't let his doubts show. He had to do this for Ai-chan.

He trusted Rin and Sousuke to fulfill their parts of the plan. Rin would run interference and keep the other pigs away from the locker room. Sousuke would keep an eye on Nagisa and be an extra pair of eyes to keep him safe.

Not that Nagisa needed him to. If the pig tried anything on him he’d scratch their eyes out. Still, it was reassuring to know he had someone looking out for him.

He cursed himself when he jumped a little as the door to the locker room shut behind him. He had a job to do, he couldn't afford to break his role for even a moment.

So, he launched into a rambling monologue of excitement and joy for the tour he’d received so far, how he’d would definitely join the swim team, and a completely scripted rant about his fascination with the prisoner’s dilemma and plea bargaining.

The pig smiled and nodded through it all, shooting increasingly nervous glances at the door. His gang he was waiting for wouldn't be coming. Nagisa trusted Rin to do his job and keep them away and keep himself out of real danger.

“Well, this has been fun, but why don’t we go somewhere else?” Nagisa questioned, batting his eyelashes.

“Just wait, okay?” The pig snapped.

Nagisa flinched in feigned hurt. "Well, if you’re going to be like that.”

Nagisa stormed towards the door in a false huff, and felt his arm be gripped tight.

“You’re staying here, cutie.”

Nagisa thrashed and tried to pull his arm away, but the pig’s hold held strong. Nagisa felt nerves creeping up on him. They’d chosen the smallest and weakest of the pigs to single out for this. He’d thought he would be able to overpower him, at least enough for the plan. Had he made a serious mistake?

Nagisa opened his mouth to call for Sousuke, but the pig predicted his cry and slapped his other hand over Nagisa’s lips. Now, he was truly scared.

Nagisa managed to pull away with straining muscles and eyes filled with terror induced tears. He wanted to scream for Sousuke, he wanted to run away from this horrid pig and find Rei and hold him and be held until he felt safe again.

He lunged for door and tripped in his hurry. He fell to the ground, and as he cast his eyes upward, he saw it.

A tiny fleck of blood on a bench. It probably wasn’t Ai-chan’s blood, not after all this time. Most likely, it was from a minor injury one of the swimmers had suffered recently.

But it was enough to remind Nagisa what had happened here. Why he had volunteered to be left alone in a room with a rapist. It reminded him that Ai wouldn't feel safe until the pigs were behind bars and Ai was far away in a different country.

His previous rage made a reappearance, along with his certainty. He wouldn't run from this, no matter how terrifying the pig was.

All this flooded Nagisa’s mind in the time it took the pig to reach his location and dive on top of him.

His mouth was covered again as the pig tore at his shirt. Nagisa gave a token struggle before the opportunity came. The pig pushed down on Nagisa’s face as he strained his head upwards, pushing his head back down. Nagisa let the force push him down, and purposefully slammed the back of his head onto the tile.

The pig jerked and leaped away from Nagisa as red spread out from beneath the blonde curls.

* * *

 

The slim body, now exposed through a ripped shirt, twitched slightly then ceased. The chest stopped heaving, the hands stopped grasping. Deathly stillness took over.

The pig cursed _shit, shit, fucking shit_ to himself, and ran from the room.

As he crashed through the door, he passed by the bulky brunette he knew to be on the swimming team, and cursed himself further. He would see the body on the locker room floor, and he had seen the pig run from the room with red on his hands. He had no chance of getting away with this.

The boy had ranted and raved about how accomplices always gave up their partners, and how lesser punishments were given out for good information. It was fortuitous that the stupid boy’s words would save him from a life in prison.

He had six names to give, and he’d squeal like a pig to save himself.

* * *

 

Nagisa blinked his eyes up at Sousuke and gave a triumphant grin. He jumped up from the ground, nearly slipping on the sticky red that stained the tiles in his haste.

Sousuke’s lips twitched into a small smile at Nagisa’s good cheer. “Everything go well?”

Nagisa nodded, feeling giddy from nerves and success. “Perfectly well,” he lied.

The blonde glanced down at the red mess, then ran a hand through his stained hair, detaching the hair pins that had kept the condiment packet and cloth to pad his head from the impact.

“Just wish I could see the look on that pig’s face when he realizes it’s ketchup he’s got on his hands instead of blood.”


	8. Epilogue

Nitori practically squeezed the life out of Nagisa, and the blonde returned the embrace with equal vigor.

“You’ll call, right? And visit when you can?” Nagisa asked with hope in his eyes once they parted.

“Of course!” Nitori promised, squeezing Nagisa’s hands tight. “I’ll call every day!”

“Every day is a bit much.” Rin grumbled, but a fondly exasperated smile still tugged at his lips at the sight of the pair.

“I’ll miss you lots! I’ll hold you to that!” Nagisa threw himself at Nitori again, and they held each other tight.

Makoto patted the both of them on their shoulders. “Come on, the flight will be taking off soon.”

Nagisa sniffled, but held back his tears. This was a happy moment for Rin and Nitori. They were escaping the place that had turned against them, and were moving on past the pain.

Haru gave a solemn pat on the shoulder and a nod to Nitori, and glared at Rin warningly.

“Yeah, I know, so knock it off with the evil eye, Haru.” Rin growled. He didn’t need Haru silently reminding him that Nitori was his responsibility, and he would have to take care of him as he adjusted to their new home and worked through the trauma of all they’d been through.

He couldn’t stay mad at Haru for his meddling though. It came from a place of love for them both.

Sousuke slapped Rin on the back affectionately. “Don’t be an ass this time, you hear me? Keep in contact.” He demanded with a stern and scolding look. Rin rolled his eyes while his heart swelled at a little at the words. He wouldn’t make the same mistake again and cut everyone off.

Gou hugged him tight and cried a little, but smiled through the tears.

“Take care of yourself, big brother. You better call.”

“I will.” Rin swore, truly meaning it and promising to himself that he would be there for his sister as much as he could even though they were in different parts of the world.

Rei massaged Nagisa's shoulders comfortingly as he smiled at the couple. He didn't know the pair well enough to have any idea what to say, so he did what he could in comforting Nagisa as he tried to mask his sadness.

Nitori did another round of thank yous and goodbyes as the call for their plane to board came over the intercom.

“Well, time to go.” Nitori muttered, his eyes filling with tears at the realization he was truly leaving his home and all of his friends.

Nagisa put his hands on Nitori’s face and squeezed his cheeks playfully. “None of that, Ai-chan. You and Rin are gonna be just fine, and we all know it. Go on, lovebirds. Be free.”

Nitori smiled and wiped away his tears. This wasn’t a final goodbye for them, it was the beginning of a new life for him and Rin.

It would be messy. Nitori was still haunted by his attackers, even though they were behind bars after one of them spilled everything about what they’d done. He’d also confessed to a murder, and was humiliated beyond belief when the truth of the so called murder was revealed. But the pig's confession had been made already, and had damned him and his friends.

Nitori would need help, more help than Rin alone could provide. But they would figure it out.

Nagisa was right. They would be just fine.

So, they walked hand in hand towards the rest of their lives.


End file.
